Be greatness that chose beginning, to become liberty.

I have only sadness
To carry me through
This darkened night
That chose.
To last a lifetime
Through me

I feel betrayed by
My own senses
By what I didn’t
Or what I might

Confused to say the least
I remember hardly
What I wanted or
Who I used to be

I suppose I also don’t
Know what lays next
Or who I’m supposed
To become.
I guess it’s up to me
Who ever that would be

Carefully separated
But chaotic in creation
Undermining my own
Greatness.
Over an urge
To persuade myself
Into dauntlessness

I have to be alone
Realizing every
Now and then, again

I don’t want to live
In loneliness
Or any kind of confinement
Any shape of concession
Any form of censorship

I crave freedom
Seeking liberation
From whatever
I cage myself in
Could quite possibly
Be…
My real mission
Here, in this life
At the very littlest

Beginning.
If any other
Are only additions to a truer essence of
What qualifies to define as my own
Liberty.

Rainy day & Falling star

catch-a-falling-star

I think that’s what I’ve done with you when I met you. You are both a rainy day and a falling star. You are a miracle and magical. You’re melancholia and nostalgia. To me, you’re the entire spectrum and realm of all things good and bad combined. I think you are what life is trying to teach me. My lesson, my reason, my ending…

Love is a gamble. Always.

I feel like a tirelessly exhausted gambling addict.

Every time I lose, the stakes get raised and I always go all in. I don’t ease into it, I don’t wait or ponder whether I have the right cards. I don’t seem to worry about the outcome, I apparently have nothing to lose. Every time again, I believe this time my luck will have turned to face me in my favor. Every time I have my hopes set on the power of faith to work its magic for me just once more. Every time I get burned, broken and beat down. I cry, self destruct, mourn my failure, grief my own downfall. Then I gather my loose pieces and my losses together and reach deep into the infinite bottomless pocket of love cash that is my heart. Only to play again, only one more time. Always.

Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I know that the house always wins and we’re all being scammed for the mere disillusionment that we could have it all and gain even more if we just play it right, if we just get in touch with that one stroke of luck. Maybe one day I’ll learn to walk away as soon as my winning streak is over. But instead I still sit here, betting more of myself than I actually have to give, just riding along on the hope, the wish, the dream, the faith that soon my luck will return. Or love.

Weakness & Neglect

Hello weakness and neglect
Your name is not love anymore
You’ve chosen ego over us
Nothing matters but your pride
Every try you will reject
No issue is ever resolved

Hello weakness and neglect
My every gesture you ignore
I’ve chosen now to give up
All importance you let slide
Never did you self reflect
None of us was involved

Hello weakness and neglect
Our memories won’t restore
We’ve chosen to kill our love
Both of us are broken inside
Neither of us we could protect
Which self has evolved?

The Oceans That I Drown Myself In

I’m filled with tears
That I cannot cry
Despite the oceans
That I drown myself in
Of fear and sadness
That I already shed

I feel more powerful
In my powerlessness
Than I feel in power
I feel more hopeful
In my hopelessness
Than I feel in hope

I’m full of frustration
That I cannot scream
Forsaken the will
That I had to try
Over my voice
That I lost in vain

I feel less strong
In my strength
Than I feel in my stride
I feel less proud
In my perseverance
Than I feel in my pride

Unconditionally Broken Hearted

I loved you through all your fakeness
Your lies, your betrayal
I should’ve ended it there
Cause those were all signs
You don’t know what real is

You could never handle my darkness
My pain, my sorrow
I should’ve never believed
The promises you never kept
Because you don’t know what love is

Unconditionally broken hearted
How you left me thinking it was my fault
The hurt inflicted on me
Was never my wrong
How you manipulated every situation
To clear yourself from blame
I should’ve never been this strong
As your weakness proved
You never knew what you claimed
To love me, you only pretended
To know how, but you never knew why

Anew

By the time the flowers
You send to me endearingly
Had withered to hang their heads
Our love had unbloomed
A sudden unpeaceful death

It came crawling through the night
Filling my sleep with terror
To manifest in my awakening
Coming through me like
Tsunami waves caving in

I pray for a surge
To raise me from the water
Seek within myself the power
So I don’t drown my love
Before saving ours

If hope ever let’s me breathe again
It will only mean to be
That I have overcome
Pride and ego through forgiving
Anew will colors blossom