Hashtag 2018

People please..
Stop it with the 2018 magical unicorn rainbow ride
“New year, new me, new life, new goals, new chances, new opportunities, new energy, new ambitions, resolutions, motivation” [new phone, who this?]
Stop it with the “leaving [insert negative notion of reality] in 2017
Like you haven’t been saying that for every year to come
For what or who?
Some kind of mental warp
We’ve all been conditioned to take a liking to
But it’s not the beginning or ending
Of anything

Nothing has changed
You’re still the same you
The sky still appears to us as blue
The sun still rises in the east
(that is, in the northern hemisphere at least)
Life is still what you make it
Beauty is still in the eye of the beholder
(Self) Love & kindness are still important
Blessings are still on their way
Prayers are still being heard

Nothing has changed
Except for the numeral counting on a human construction
[date] If only we could swipe that left, right?

Ours


I don’t think I’ll ever stop writing about long distance relationships, until I’m finally released from one. Love crosses borders like the wind, with ease and we allow it to sway us away, as we please. Many might not last but when they do, it’s as romantic and exhilarating as it is terrorizing, terrifying and destructive. Because all that you feel won’t ever fade away as long as you know it’s true. Maintaining equal amounts of love, trust, respect and communication is essential and impossible in the same extent.

We grew closer than I’ve ever been to any other soul, than I’ve ever allowed another near my core of cores. I’ve caught myself underestimating the true essence of this power we both share. So pure a love that it makes the universe stop and stare. In the eventual awareness of this, I know you are made of the same fire as I. We burst from the same flame and traveled around the globe through epic places and times until our hearts met again in the most twisted circumstances. Only to realize, this was all for us, ours, all along.

Freedom



I believe true freedom is a very simple conceptual state of being.
You don’t need much to be free, you actually need less than you always thought you did.
It’s a state of mind in the sense that you start off by releasing yourself from cranial captivity, bending the mental bars and breaking through.
It manifests in a state of being by not only thinking, but also speaking, doing and most importantly feeling freely. I say most importantly about feeling, because without that emotional acceptance and awareness, you can think, speak and do as freely what you want, but you’ll never feel free if you don’t feel freely.
Be free, we all are, in the littlest ways, in the simplest things. It doesn’t have to be grand of complicated, focus on one thing to be free in, and expand your freedom from there.

Nobody.

The only reason why I need people in my life, is to be reminded that they are never to be trusted or relied on.

A simple reminder for everyone:

Just know, in the back of your head, but try to keep it close to the surface of your heart, that when it comes down to the real essence, there is exactly nobody there for you. Regardless the cause or nature of your troubles. Regardless if it’s trouble or perhaps even happiness you have to share. There is nobody who really cares, nobody you can count on. You have nobody.

So feel free to get connected, involved or attached with anyone. Just remember this one truth until your last breath. Nobody.

You will only, always only, have yourself. In your best and in your worst moments, in the center of that moment, it’s always just you. You are born alone, you live alone, and you will die alone. Others come and go and might stay for a while and you may enjoy their company. But don’t fool yourself with thinking that they are there for you. They are, just like you, only there for themselves. It’s their right and their prerogative also, as it is your duty to come to this awareness. You need nobody.

It’s the loneliest realization to ever make, but it’s necessary to prevent any further disappointment and protect yourself from rejection and every form of hurt. Accept misery from…exactly, nobody.

It’s easy once you get it. You will always have nobody. No matter how deeply they love you, no matter how many unconditional promises were planted in your fertile soil of optimists belief. No matter how close and compassionate they may seem, they are never going to be there for you when you actually need them. That is a promise I can make in the name of the universe.

Confirmation or Confrontation ?

It’s easy to look away and drown yourself in distractions.
Why not for once be courageous and face the confrontations,
regardless of their outcome

What’s the worst that could happen ?

You hurt, you learn.
You suffer, you grow.
You break, you heal.
You die, you won’t be alive to remember it anyway.

So what’s the big deal ?

Go on and dive right in, head first, your heart will follow. Your soul is immortal but your body wil decay anyway. Might as well take that chance.

It could lead to self destruct, tough luck. There’s not much you can’t recover from, all your past struggles bringing you right here are already proof of your strength.

It could also lead to a plentiful blossoming of your self, your awareness, your power of happiness. There’s so much more to gain if you’re just willing to give it a try.

Losses are part of life, standing still is part of death.

Your choice. Confirmation or confrontation ?

Be greatness that chose beginning, to become liberty.

I have only sadness
To carry me through
This darkened night
That chose.
To last a lifetime
Through me

I feel betrayed by
My own senses
By what I didn’t
Or what I might

Confused to say the least
I remember hardly
What I wanted or
Who I used to be

I suppose I also don’t
Know what lays next
Or who I’m supposed
To become.
I guess it’s up to me
Who ever that would be

Carefully separated
But chaotic in creation
Undermining my own
Greatness.
Over an urge
To persuade myself
Into dauntlessness

I have to be alone
Realizing every
Now and then, again

I don’t want to live
In loneliness
Or any kind of confinement
Any shape of concession
Any form of censorship

I crave freedom
Seeking liberation
From whatever
I cage myself in
Could quite possibly
Be…
My real mission
Here, in this life
At the very littlest

Beginning.
If any other
Are only additions to a truer essence of
What qualifies to define as my own
Liberty.

Part of a Life

found on pinterestimage found on pinterest


I often go for walks outside by myself. Sit nearby the water and watch the sun play its shine on the ripples, painting its art on the moving surface. For me to just tune out of my own life and zone in the world around me.

During those walks, I run into all kinds of people. Some going for a walk just as me, with their partner, family, friends, or alone, walking their dog or going for a jog.

Then sometimes I see people walking, of whom I get the idea, that this is the first time they resurfaced to the real world again, after a period of solitary hibernation. Maybe because I can identify, maybe it’s just personal projection and recognition, maybe not.

They seem anxious in both an excited and fearful way, super self conscious and clearly exploring the outside beyond their bubble, as if just fallen from the nest. They are not together, not composed, not centered.
Not at all that I claim to be any one of those things, but perhaps from my own experience in that situation, I recognize these restless beings roaming for another purpose, seeking the restfulness, aiming for that point where their life will tilt back over to a more positive direction.
They are not walking away from their responsibilities, they are again meeting the reality beyond themselves and reaching back to the notion of better times ahead.

I am, seemingly more than others, aware of my surroundings, but not only that. I like to see people. Not just look at them, or observe and judge, place them in the proper position of my mental picture, but see them and their story behind the posture.
There is a name for this: sonder. The awareness that every soul you come across has a whole universe hidden behind their daily facade. A whole life of ups & downs, of cries, screams, tears, smiles, heartaches, disease, sorrow, loss, love, hurt, intentions, desires, mistakes, fantasies, knowledge, wisdom, emotions.

It’s fascinating to me, not only to see and think about, analyse and even feel it in their presence. But alone the thought, that I, as an outsider to them, will never be part of theirs as they will never be of mine.
Although it could be.. when worlds collide, split open and intervene with each other. On a daily basis, it doesn’t always happen like that, though. We sit and stare, as do they. We observe and care, maybe also on their part. But we will never know.. For the simple reason that I prefer to respect people in their being, as I would appreciate the same from their side.

While sometimes.. it is so pleasant to meet, someone who has maybe the same empathic feelers, to see and notice my little bubble, but they are in touch deeply enough with a realization that peeking through that bubble, will first of all not break my bubble, nor will it break or bother me.
Sometimes I just sit in my happy pensive solitude, observing the reality of reality and the reality of other’s reality, and then there is just this one friendly man, walking his old yet playful dog, and he asks me with sincere interest: “how is your game going?”, meaning my obsessive preoccupation and busy typing on my phone. I look up, take my earphones out, my sunglasses off, smile at him and tell him: “I’m not playing a game, I’m writing..” …BOOM… Worlds have collided, bubbles burst open, a conversation has commenced. Just like that.

We may live alone, but we are never alone. No matter how we enjoy and cherish our solitude, knowing others still find us worthy for their interest or might just need to connect with someone to break through their own solitude, is such a rewarding feeling of being alive : )
Being part of a life, not just my own.