What may it take to feel alive?


Are bad decisions for good reasons truly wrong? I’ve been wondering and can’t find the answers in all the generic ‘right’ ways or places. What if my desires and responsibilities contradict each other, what if my values and principles clash? Without trying to sound too much like a relativist, morality is fluid. Even if the mass stays the same, the (individual) shape will constantly move, morph, change, grow, evolve. Sometimes even back into a previously familiar form. Although backwards growth isn’t possible, this direction of movement can sometimes prove useful. If only to remember, recollect and cherish dearly what once was.

Freedom



I believe true freedom is a very simple conceptual state of being.
You don’t need much to be free, you actually need less than you always thought you did.
It’s a state of mind in the sense that you start off by releasing yourself from cranial captivity, bending the mental bars and breaking through.
It manifests in a state of being by not only thinking, but also speaking, doing and most importantly feeling freely. I say most importantly about feeling, because without that emotional acceptance and awareness, you can think, speak and do as freely what you want, but you’ll never feel free if you don’t feel freely.
Be free, we all are, in the littlest ways, in the simplest things. It doesn’t have to be grand of complicated, focus on one thing to be free in, and expand your freedom from there.

Be Thankful.

Are you supposed to be thankful for something you didn’t want or ask for? Whether it’s good or bad to you, whether it’s well intended or not.

Should you only be thankful for things that are good for you? Or only the ones that were well intended, regardless of the result? Or should you just be thankful for everything that happens and comes to you? Because everything has a reason, a cause, a goal, a purpose.

The danger of a lone being.

The scariest part of being alone is not the loneliness

The scariest part of being alone is not the loneliness.

It’s the forceful necessity to have only yourself to count on and deal with, in every situation, through every cognition and emotion, during every smile or teardrop, and every breath that falls too heavily.

While part of you suffers from urges to end all existence & an equally desperate part is looking anxiously to find purpose, still. Those being only two minor examples of the thousands and thousands of scattered pieces of self that constantly reflect and contradict one another.

It’s easy to get lost inside the mazes of your own heart and mind intertwined, when your soul feels trapped and the only way out is out of or through yourself. But what if there’s nothing, no one, outside of yourself to reach out to? Nobody you can truly trust, nobody to have meaningful interaction, nobody to share or exchange ideas and thoughts with, nobody to empathize or care with you.

I don’t claim to need anyone, but I don’t believe any person is capable of carrying their entire life by themselves one hundred percent of the time.
Of course, essentially, in all beginning and ending as well as most of the time in between, we are just ourselves by ourselves. But what becomes of this self, if it is only that connection you have… for days, becoming weeks, turning into months, building up to years. How does one grow out of themselves if all they have as reference, is their self, their own, alone, always…?

How dangerous can you become, by yourself, before interference becomes obvious? Who is to draw the line, but yourself, turning the whole thing into pure rhetorical irony?

To take it a little further, because why not? Or actually, because why not.
Who will then, when the line is drawn and interference becomes inevitable, be the one to step in between and flip the switch? Which switch would flipping become to have the mostly preferred result? What is this result supposed to be looking alike?

Who decides all this, or anything, the self that chose to become dangerous just because its possibility was an endless option, or the one who found cautiousness significant enough to inquire for change, or any of the other infinite varieties of self that have potential to be puzzled together from all the scattered pieces alone?

Philosophy.

Philosophy
I’ve always wondered why it’s a waste to waste time or talent. Almost considered a sin, actually. I believe within a few more years, we’ll be able to commercialize the scientific methods of 3D printing and use them for example to replace our natural bodies with artificial ones. Who knows how far we can expand our lives then, how we will stretch the length of our ages and reconstruct the health of our youth.

Time goes by whether you do something or not, whether you want it or not, whether you’re good at something or not. Why does the general pull always trend to lead to ‘something’ instead of the ‘not’? Do our lives really feel so empty when there’s nothing substantial there? What’s the matter of substance anyway? No matter how we evolve politically, scientifically or psychologically, those are questions cast away to the realm of religion, spirituality and philosophy.

But of all fields named here, the last one mentioned is also the last one standing when it comes to anything, and the first to ever question any of all those things. If all goes well, eventually, humanity will catch up to that.

Prayer.

When it comes to prayer, it is actually quite useless to pray for what you want or need. Even to thank God or ask for forgiveness, makes not much sense at all. Why? Because God in all His omniscient almightiness, already knows what you want and need, what is important to you, that you are thankful and (or) in search of forgiveness. He already gives it to you, with added unconditional love, you just need to be able and willing to receive it.

So prayer, essentially, is nothing but awareness. In your prayers you make yourself, rather than God, aware of what you want, need, wish and (or) hope for, what is important to you, that you are thankful, that you’re asking for forgiveness. After you have made yourself aware, then is when you can recognize the gift that God already places in your heart, because He already saw and granted you that which you didn’t have the words to ask for.

The same changes…

Is there any such thing as “the same” ?

Do we see the same image after blinking with our eyes ? No of course not, in the nano second that my eyelid closed and reopened, a leaf may have fallen from the flowers in front of me, an ant may have crawled 2cm further in the grass. Even if nothing visibly moves, everything is still in motion. The world still turns, it doesn’t pause. I am a nano second ahead in time, the moment is not which it was when I chose to close my eyes.

Do we ever meet the same person ? No of course not. The person I saw yesterday may stand before me today again, but in the meantime this person has gone through several cognitive processes and experienced various emotions and situations. It might be too much to say that this person has changed to the core, but things have been added to or subtracted from this person’s being.

Am I ever the same person ? What is stated above about other people, counts for myself also. Who I am, what I know and want, might be slightly altered since yesterday, although maybe not significantly. Just as easily, something lifechanging could have occured, in just the past 5 seconds. Even when I’m not (yet) aware of it.

For anything to remain consistent in existence, there would have to be some way to put the here and now on hold. Because something is only what it is, in the exact moment and place that it is. A second later, a centimeter further and the entire situation is altered, resulting in a modification of the object itself in essence as well.

For anything to be released of this consistency, be free of the here and now clausule, it needs to change.

What causes an object to go from static to dynamic, from standing still to start moving? Technically speaking, the answer could be very elaborate and over-detailed. If you skip back through all the processes preceding the first step in the chain, you’ll get to it being just this tiny little thing, that stands at the begin of it all: the urge to will.

The only problem with willing, is that it doesn’t like to be forced. If it’s not there, you can’t just summon it. The wanting should be there and clear before beginning any movement, not the other way around. Don’t make wanting something a goal on it’s own. Your will is the means towards a goal that can get you further. Because standing still, doesn’t happen in this reality.

.Love/Hate.

The most common mistake people tend to make, is assuming that the opposite of love is hate. That you either love or hate someone, while actually, both notions exist simultaneously, in the same space, at the same time.

When you don’t have love in your life, you don’t necessarily have hate instead. What you do have, when you don’t have love…is silence, solitude and fear.
Fear of being left out, fear of living or dying alone, fear of not being remembered or seen or heard. No one to talk to, nobody to rely on, no sheltering arms around you, no shoulder to cry on, no special person to share all that you value. Silence in your soul and emptiness in your heart.

From this silence, solitude and fear…this lack of love, we actually have a choice we can make. We choose..
    either hate; including hurt, anger and sadness, following each other up like chackles in a chain, on a downward spiral of negativity, of hating everything and everyone, especially ourselves..
    or love; opening doors to hope, faith and happiness, equally following each other up like steps to a stairs, up to whatever we aspire to reach or become, believing in the good of life and being receptive for all the positivity of luck..

Two seperate paths with many intersections..
Love or Hate. It’s upto you.

Infinity∞

I often wake up in a dream, wishing to be thunder, scary but never destructive.. or carelessly falling like rain, in solid free will..

there were no hearts found in any of my lives, any of all parallel universes, any of every alternate reality..
at least in one of them I am more, or happy, or evil, or useful, or reasonless..

who cares if you don’t have what you want here and now ? or then, there and never..
an infinity of worlds provides infinite possibilities, not each but every of your desires filled in one of them.. in total, this life doesn’t matter..

an infinity of lives is being lived by a countless amount of me…

but if infinity is infinite, there will also be infinite impossibilities, an infinity of disappointment and hurt.. dishonesty, treason and failure.. all stretched into the endlessness of time and space
..would anyone want to live through that ?

I’d rather just have this life.. I will always be everything and nothing in the greater scheme of it all ..this is just one frame .∞.