Brown Angel

Brown walking angel
Your hairs are your wings
You stumble yet always arrive
Around my shoulders
You’re wrapped
In my heart you thrive
I like to capture
You in my hands like fireflies
Glowing while fluttering
I’ll never reveal your disguise
Our tiny secret
Like our kisses
Under velvet night skies
Sparkling with hope
Bourbon glistening angel
With your wings draped and dark
You came down from heaven
Yet you shine like above the stars

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Life line.

All she wanted was a hug
A kiss, a warm consoling hand
On any part of her skin
When she told you she longs to no longer live
All she wanted was a few seconds of your time
Not hours, like you assumed
And yes you gave hours of your day to her
Spending time together, having fun
Watching videos, cuddling on the couch

But in this moment
She lost all of herself like the fleeting reflection of a moons full cycle into the new

She knew it would return, but right now there was nothing
Not even a speck of light
And all

She needed was a hug, a kiss
A warm consoling hand
On any part of her skin

But you said you had to work
You don’t have time for this right now
She asked you if she could die
You said no, but you showed her yes
By dismissing her pain, dismissing her clear call for your positive attention
You had to work cause your deadline wouldn’t wait

Wasting all week for the last moment to never make it in time to keep your promises anyway
Maybe she’ll jump your dead line some day
That used to be a life line but you pulled it away.

Depression

This is not about you
But you won’t understand
Or consider even
What I might be feeling

This is about battles I fight
Have lost a million times
Have the proof in the lines
On my wrist up to my elbow

This is not about you
Or anyone else
Because I can’t call for help
Because I don’t want to
Scare or worry anyone

This is not about them
I don’t want to hurt anyone 
But I need to not want
To hurt myself as well
I can’t remove that feeling

If this is not about me
Then who am I doing this for
Staying strong
Not giving in
The urge to cut my skin

If this is about life
I don’t want any of it
Never did
Never will
Nothing good for me to come
Nothing good to remember

If this is about love
Then why is it not about me
Why can’t I love myself enough
To protect myself from this
Hurt inflicted by myself

This is not about anything
I want to feel nothing
But the hurt I feel inside
Is worse than any wound
I’ve ever caused

This is not about me
Or you
Or them
This is about depression
A disease I will never defeat

Every battle I win or lose
Is just postponing
The next to come
It will always merely be a wait
Until my heart will not longer beat
Until the final breath I take

Message in a bottle 

I wrote down my love
Rolled up the message in a bottle
Sealed with a kiss
I put it to drift in the sea
To travel across oceans of hope
To reach the shores of your heart
Ever since we grew apart

Stick your feet in the sand
Let it coat your skin
Feel the suction of the water
You might see a piece of me within
When you do, all I ask
Not for a response, but
Read my love for you