Eternally revolving

I am beyond saddened
about what I could have
not could have had
could still have
yet can’t
because allowing myself
would destroy so many
lives that have come
to be connected
dependently
with mine

all my wishes
mean nothing
empty phonetics
lacking semantic value
eternally revolving
around you
against my will
involuntary orbit

who says the moon
pulls on the waves
who is to say
if it isn’t the water
holding her on a leash
lapping devotedly
to keep up
with your
bewildered tides

The Magic Of Motherhood

I keep surprising myself with the realization that I created an entire human. Or rather, she grew herself and chose my body as a home. Nature is a bad ass ingenious miracle maker
– The Magic Of Motherhood

• the birth of my daughter
birthed me as a mother •

Every time I look at her and imagine the tiny clump of cells that she started from, to now being all this: fingers, toes, eyes, ears, nose, mouth, skin, hairs. Not to mention her brain, so bright! Let’s not forget her soul, filled with light. Oh and, her heart full of joyful delight. She exists. How ever is this even possible? Originated from mere love. So powerful, she is
…by only just existing.

Sickened.

I’m tired of being bound to you
Depleted, mistreated
Defeated, misunderstood
Do you even care that I exist
I’m sickened, quite literally
By the ways you so consciously
Choose to treat me, repeatedly
Regardless of how many times and ways
I address and exert
And beg and scream and say
That I need different, you just divert
Deflect, manipulate the variables
That’s what data scientists do, right?
Gaslight
Neglect and then pretend you’re victimized
You thrive
On painting me a villain
You could never exist the way you do
If I’d be in my full power
So you relish in how hard I go for you
Then silently triumph as I drown
In the puddle of tears
Cried over hurt
And trauma
Triggers and dirt
You know it all
The darkest and the worst
Yet you don’t lift a finger
Watch as I slowly disfigure
Into half the shade of my own shadow
You planted the hate and then let me grow
A sprout of evil
From your hand
How I wish I could
Dismember
How I wish I would
Only remember
A life before you took mine
Step back before I cross that line

Soul Mates

I asked him: are we soulmates, you think?

He says: of course… or maybe not, I don’t know.

Those are opposites, I said.

I think that’s the definition of who we are, he replied.

To which I asked: please explain which one it is and what you mean?

He said: I think we’re meant to be together, I don’t know if we’re soulmates. I think those are two different things. On certain levels we are, yeah.. but I don’t know if we truly are soulmates.

But so if we are not soulmates, although we are meant to be together, wouldn’t you regret not being with your actual soulmate, I asked in return.