Depression

This is not about you
But you won’t understand
Or consider even
What I might be feeling

This is about battles I fight
Have lost a million times
Have the proof in the lines
On my wrist up to my elbow

This is not about you
Or anyone else
Because I can’t call for help
Because I don’t want to
Scare or worry anyone

This is not about them
I don’t want to hurt anyone 
But I need to not want
To hurt myself as well
I can’t remove that feeling

If this is not about me
Then who am I doing this for
Staying strong
Not giving in
The urge to cut my skin

If this is about life
I don’t want any of it
Never did
Never will
Nothing good for me to come
Nothing good to remember

If this is about love
Then why is it not about me
Why can’t I love myself enough
To protect myself from this
Hurt inflicted by myself

This is not about anything
I want to feel nothing
But the hurt I feel inside
Is worse than any wound
I’ve ever caused

This is not about me
Or you
Or them
This is about depression
A disease I will never defeat

Every battle I win or lose
Is just postponing
The next to come
It will always merely be a wait
Until my heart will not longer beat
Until the final breath I take

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