Hashtag 2018

People please..
Stop it with the 2018 magical unicorn rainbow ride
“New year, new me, new life, new goals, new chances, new opportunities, new energy, new ambitions, resolutions, motivation” [new phone, who this?]
Stop it with the “leaving [insert negative notion of reality] in 2017
Like you haven’t been saying that for every year to come
For what or who?
Some kind of mental warp
We’ve all been conditioned to take a liking to
But it’s not the beginning or ending
Of anything

Nothing has changed
You’re still the same you
The sky still appears to us as blue
The sun still rises in the east
(that is, in the northern hemisphere at least)
Life is still what you make it
Beauty is still in the eye of the beholder
(Self) Love & kindness are still important
Blessings are still on their way
Prayers are still being heard

Nothing has changed
Except for the numeral counting on a human construction
[date] If only we could swipe that left, right?

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Brown Angel

Brown walking angel
Your hairs are your wings
You stumble yet always arrive
Around my shoulders
You’re wrapped
In my heart you thrive
I like to capture
You in my hands like fireflies
Glowing while fluttering
I’ll never reveal your disguise
Our tiny secret
Like our kisses
Under velvet night skies
Sparkling with hope
Bourbon glistening angel
With your wings draped and dark
You came down from heaven
Yet you shine like above the stars

Surrounded by Silence

She acts stronger than she is
She lasts longer than she cares
She looks open but resides rather privately
She grows only on her own surrounded by silence
Passive aggressive doesn’t touch her
It molds her, controls her, destroys her
To a beast of no more morals
Containment or pride do not exist
Blind rage of fears and doubts she likes to hate
Can anyone blame her?
If they don’t even know her
Judging is the closest they will ever get allowed to come
Purely because she reaches beyond their general level
Of self reflective darkness
Self induced light
Under performing progress
Over accomplishing bright
She cries louder than thunderstorms
She sinks deeper than the no returns
Of a black holes singularity
She unfolds stacks of complexities
Within a wink of thought
But crashes all her brilliance
For the shadow of what she felt
When she first fell in love
She will unravel you
Before you begin to reveal
To yourself even the rhythm
Of reflections you’ve never rested without
She will narrate you
Beyond annoyance but deeply rooted
In a truth you didn’t know you had internal
Until she plucked it from your brain
To lay it before you on the table
With a pride in her smile
That shines through the rooms in her own darkened mind
Only to admit that it was you who brought it to her
She will always promise you
All her inspiration comes from how she lives
How it happens, how it goes
How she drew it all out while she was born
How every word she writes is a memory
From before she became real

Nobody.

The only reason why I need people in my life, is to be reminded that they are never to be trusted or relied on.

A simple reminder for everyone:

Just know, in the back of your head, but try to keep it close to the surface of your heart, that when it comes down to the real essence, there is exactly nobody there for you. Regardless the cause or nature of your troubles. Regardless if it’s trouble or perhaps even happiness you have to share. There is nobody who really cares, nobody you can count on. You have nobody.

So feel free to get connected, involved or attached with anyone. Just remember this one truth until your last breath. Nobody.

You will only, always only, have yourself. In your best and in your worst moments, in the center of that moment, it’s always just you. You are born alone, you live alone, and you will die alone. Others come and go and might stay for a while and you may enjoy their company. But don’t fool yourself with thinking that they are there for you. They are, just like you, only there for themselves. It’s their right and their prerogative also, as it is your duty to come to this awareness. You need nobody.

It’s the loneliest realization to ever make, but it’s necessary to prevent any further disappointment and protect yourself from rejection and every form of hurt. Accept misery from…exactly, nobody.

It’s easy once you get it. You will always have nobody. No matter how deeply they love you, no matter how many unconditional promises were planted in your fertile soil of optimists belief. No matter how close and compassionate they may seem, they are never going to be there for you when you actually need them. That is a promise I can make in the name of the universe.

.another illusion.

tears heavy as steel
scratch sharply through my skin
it’s only pain I feel
by futile empty promising
leaving marks across my face
edging scars you won’t erase

everything you said so far
has no truth in it whatsoever
I begin to wonder who you even are
why did I choose you for my forever?
I don’t even know you
who did I give my heart to?
don’t have you at all
as you made it so clear
how dare you make me fall
for something I so much fear
and still you manage
blind for all caused damage

demand me to believe in fairytales
and I should expect it becomes real
I’m just waiting for when it all fails
of which I’m pretty sure it will
cause that always happens
and this is no different
in essence of all life lessons
what I feel is insignificant

to anyone who decides to care
who will then change their mind
before I’m even aware
of what I have lost to find
or can catch up with them there
but I’m already left behind
easy come, simpler gone
and you may claim to know
that you’re not aiming to go
but I’m already alone

you’ve never been with me
we never had the chance
and you’ll never love me like those words
I don’t know why I try actually
talking to dust has more sense
wish I could let you feel how this hurts
but I can’t get in
you’re so inaccessible
I don’t think I’ll ever win
love for me is just impossible

I know now for sure
that ignorance is bliss
cause I can feel it so pure
when I deny knowing all this
and pretend that we can
or even might we will
but in the back of my mind I am
always cautious for the kill

which comes sooner or later
whether you want it or not
you have no say in what fate does
you don’t even have what you think you got
all you are to me now
another illusion that I dreamed of
that I got fooled by somehow
tricked to think it could be love

Motion.

We are all, always, looking for things that don’t exist.
Truth, reality, love..

Idealistic illusions are those concepts in my view.
They are idealistic because we strive for them, driven solely by hope and faith for some better way of living and deeper insight in life itself.
They are illusions in the sense that they don’t actually appear in life. Abstract as they are, they can only be formed in the mind.
Being mere concepts therefore.

There is no reasonable ground to presume that any such thing as truth, reality or love actually exist.
The ideas we have about them, are nothing but a balanced calculation between hopes and desires on one side, fear and uncertainty on the other.

As well like views on luck and happiness, these formless unstructured notions of how the world might be and how life may or may not be organized, are simply gradual layers related to one another in a mental conceptual landscape that fits the imagination as well as it can operate in practise.
These visions of things and how things are in opposition to how they appear, are necessary for us to survive.

In a whole new scale of levelling, survival of the most well-adapted is still only a filter to create and stimulate motion.

Motion holds abruptly if there is no space to move into. Growth, development, evolution, however it gets downgraded to normative terms: All is in motion, constantly.
And in the same moment, there is also only ever here and now. This contradiction alone, is to me sufficient enough to believe there is no such thing as reasonable ground to any thing.
No matter how advanced our science or techniques may become, we as humans will always contradict ourselves in our finding, because we eternally continue seeking for more, deeper, further.

But in the end, there is no ultimate substance, no earliest beginning, no inevitable ending. The deepest, highest, most final answer or solution or explanation is the illusion so idealistic to us, that it keeps us looking, that keeps stimulating us to move forward, thus keep evolving. Therefore it is manditory for us to survive, to always continue looking for sense to be made in this world and life.

There is only motion… Even time and space only exist relatively to one another. Only now or never, only here and nothing, are sure entities. The rest will remain a mystery, but lucid enough to keep us moving towards it.