contradiction

What may it take to feel alive?

~ Gita ~ Leave a comment


Are bad decisions for good reasons truly wrong? I’ve been wondering and can’t find the answers in all the generic ‘right’ ways or places. What if my desires and responsibilities contradict each other, what if my values and principles clash? Without trying to sound too much like a relativist, morality is fluid. Even if the mass stays the same, the (individual) shape will constantly move, morph, change, grow, evolve. Sometimes even back into a previously familiar form. Although backwards growth isn’t possible, this direction of movement can sometimes prove useful. If only to remember, recollect and cherish dearly what once was.

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The danger of a lone being.

~ Gita ~ 5 Comments

The scariest part of being alone is not the loneliness

The scariest part of being alone is not the loneliness.

It’s the forceful necessity to have only yourself to count on and deal with, in every situation, through every cognition and emotion, during every smile or teardrop, and every breath that falls too heavily.

While part of you suffers from urges to end all existence & an equally desperate part is looking anxiously to find purpose, still. Those being only two minor examples of the thousands and thousands of scattered pieces of self that constantly reflect and contradict one another.

It’s easy to get lost inside the mazes of your own heart and mind intertwined, when your soul feels trapped and the only way out is out of or through yourself. But what if there’s nothing, no one, outside of yourself to reach out to? Nobody you can truly trust, nobody to have meaningful interaction, nobody to share or exchange ideas and thoughts with, nobody to empathize or care with you.

I don’t claim to need anyone, but I don’t believe any person is capable of carrying their entire life by themselves one hundred percent of the time.
Of course, essentially, in all beginning and ending as well as most of the time in between, we are just ourselves by ourselves. But what becomes of this self, if it is only that connection you have… for days, becoming weeks, turning into months, building up to years. How does one grow out of themselves if all they have as reference, is their self, their own, alone, always…?

How dangerous can you become, by yourself, before interference becomes obvious? Who is to draw the line, but yourself, turning the whole thing into pure rhetorical irony?

To take it a little further, because why not? Or actually, because why not.
Who will then, when the line is drawn and interference becomes inevitable, be the one to step in between and flip the switch? Which switch would flipping become to have the mostly preferred result? What is this result supposed to be looking alike?

Who decides all this, or anything, the self that chose to become dangerous just because its possibility was an endless option, or the one who found cautiousness significant enough to inquire for change, or any of the other infinite varieties of self that have potential to be puzzled together from all the scattered pieces alone?

Motion.

~ Gita ~ Leave a comment

We are all, always, looking for things that don’t exist.
Truth, reality, love..

Idealistic illusions are those concepts in my view.
They are idealistic because we strive for them, driven solely by hope and faith for some better way of living and deeper insight in life itself.
They are illusions in the sense that they don’t actually appear in life. Abstract as they are, they can only be formed in the mind.
Being mere concepts therefore.

There is no reasonable ground to presume that any such thing as truth, reality or love actually exist.
The ideas we have about them, are nothing but a balanced calculation between hopes and desires on one side, fear and uncertainty on the other.

As well like views on luck and happiness, these formless unstructured notions of how the world might be and how life may or may not be organized, are simply gradual layers related to one another in a mental conceptual landscape that fits the imagination as well as it can operate in practise.
These visions of things and how things are in opposition to how they appear, are necessary for us to survive.

In a whole new scale of levelling, survival of the most well-adapted is still only a filter to create and stimulate motion.

Motion holds abruptly if there is no space to move into. Growth, development, evolution, however it gets downgraded to normative terms: All is in motion, constantly.
And in the same moment, there is also only ever here and now. This contradiction alone, is to me sufficient enough to believe there is no such thing as reasonable ground to any thing.
No matter how advanced our science or techniques may become, we as humans will always contradict ourselves in our finding, because we eternally continue seeking for more, deeper, further.

But in the end, there is no ultimate substance, no earliest beginning, no inevitable ending. The deepest, highest, most final answer or solution or explanation is the illusion so idealistic to us, that it keeps us looking, that keeps stimulating us to move forward, thus keep evolving. Therefore it is manditory for us to survive, to always continue looking for sense to be made in this world and life.

There is only motion… Even time and space only exist relatively to one another. Only now or never, only here and nothing, are sure entities. The rest will remain a mystery, but lucid enough to keep us moving towards it.