How to be depressed

For all people not knowing what happens or goes on in the mind and life of a depressed person: here’s the 101..

First things first. You start off by sleeping at 6 in the morning until 4 in the afternoon. Get up raising your eyebrows in a welcoming gesture to the dark clouds that surround you and the suffocating fog that occupies your mind. Don’t get out to get fresh air. If you must, limit yourself only to go buy alcohol and cigarettes*, and occasionally a loaf of bread and some cheese which you’ll then live from the rest of the week. Oh and noodles, also do the job. Spasm out every once in a while to spend excessive portions of money on healthy and exclusive foods to then cook yourself a luscious and elaborate dinner, which you will stuff yourself so full with, so that the rest of the week you will punish yourself for feeling fat by eating just grilled cheese sandwiches again.

Lash out at everyone you love, to then cry yourself asleep, realizing how you’re all alone in the world and have nothing to live for, because you don’t deserve to exist.

Don’t finish anything you ever start, whether it’s a formal obligation like school or passionate ambition like writing a book. Make sure to satisfy the necessity to confirm that you’re an all time failure at all things you attempt.

*{editor’s note: wrote this 5 years ago, I don’t smoke anymore}


Disclamer: This is of course not an actual guide on how to be depressed. Please note that you may choose however you want to be about it. I wrote this purely from my own experiences with depression. Yes, I am that open about it. No, I don’t care what anyone thinks of it.


I don’t think I’ll ever stop writing about long distance relationships, until I’m finally released from one. Love crosses borders like the wind, with ease and we allow it to sway us away, as we please. Many might not last but when they do, it’s as romantic and exhilarating as it is terrorizing, terrifying and destructive. Because all that you feel won’t ever fade away as long as you know it’s true. Maintaining equal amounts of love, trust, respect and communication is essential and impossible in the same extent.

We grew closer than I’ve ever been to any other soul, than I’ve ever allowed another near my core of cores. I’ve caught myself underestimating the true essence of this power we both share. So pure a love that it makes the universe stop and stare. In the eventual awareness of this, I know you are made of the same fire as I. We burst from the same flame and traveled around the globe through epic places and times until our hearts met again in the most twisted circumstances. Only to realize, this was all for us, ours, all along.

The Moon

The moon is swimming along with the stars in a deep blue sea of sky. The moon smiles at me in a transcendant glow, knowing I see him through my window. The moon is proud to be the brightest to shine.

I can’t help but notice him, he challenges me, to come out and play with him. He knows I can’t swim with him, in the sea so high up there, still he keeps calling.

The moon is playing with the waves of air, dancing around him, splashing in his face..
The moon swims back to the surface, each time a wave clouds him, showing me time and time again that he’s still there for me..
The moon doesn’t see the clouds thickening, he doesn’t see the danger approaching..

They spread quickly, flooding over him, like a soft but fatal blanket. He doesn’t stand a chance. Wave after wave the clouds get to him, pushing him further away.
Once in a while I see his face, popping up at the surface, trying to regain strength. I believe that when he sees me, he will know what to fight for and not give up easily.
Then the clouds get heavier, I don’t even see his shine anymore. I feel so helpless, pray that he will survive.

Then, after a few minutes staring at the dark blue softness of the sea of clouds, seemingly innocent but cold and destructive as a thunderstorm, I see a slight shimmer in between the waves.
There is a radiant circular glow growing from beyond the surface. He has come back to show me, nothing can take his shine away.

The moon rises from within the darkest cloud, pushes it away, to show me the brightest smile on his face.
One with pride and confidence, fierce to proof once again how strong beauty in essence can truly be.