Sitting in the pale winter sun
On a bench by the water
I close my eyes
Letting the light illuminate my skin
I imagine myself
On my beloved island
Where the mosquitoes never stop hovering on me
And the smells of life are equally as fondly
To caress me in a warmth otherwise unknown
While the calm breeze on the sea
Tickles my senses with the saltiness
That resemble the tears of my life
This sun of cold shine, walks with me
Until darkness returns once more
Under my feet up to the roots of my hair
And I dream again, of where I for long
Belong to be
dream
Be cliché because be yourself!

She wants to experience all the lives of all the others. She joins in on their hysterical crazes and tries to blend her mind with their outrageous ideas. She does the research to make sure she understands them and can keep up. She sometimes dives in too deep, and what for others was casual leisure, becomes now an obsession for her. That’s when she moves on to another group. One where she can fit more of herself in, one where she feels more parts of her reflected and understood.
I wish someone would tell her, it’s not necessary at all, what you are doing. You don’t have to conform to be able to be liked. You don’t have to try so hard to be still so unheard. You don’t have to sell your soul to open up your heart. You don’t have to be liked to be loved by people who matter. And what would you rather be, liked or loved? Disposable or invaluable?
The most important thing is to be aware of yourself and what you have to offer them. Don’t downplay yourself, be real and be honest. What do you see reflected in people’s faces when you’re with them? What compliments do they give that you got so accustomed to nonchalantly brush off? What do you like most about others? Chances are, that’s what you like most about yourself, only you have trouble seeing it in yourself, so you seek the reflection of it in others.
Go and experience your own life. Explore your own desires and weave your own dreams. Follow them, or write about them, paint them or just tell them to others. Inspire and have hope. Always have hope. Love and despair from time to time, but not all the time (no, not even love). Create and let loose. Suffocate yourself in breathing new things and drown yourself by swimming new depths. Be proud, be silly, be passionate, be noisy and obnoxious, be humble and forgiving. Be thankful and be aware. Be cliché because be yourself!
Love is a gamble. Always.
I feel like a tirelessly exhausted gambling addict.
Every time I lose, the stakes get raised and I always go all in. I don’t ease into it, I don’t wait or ponder whether I have the right cards. I don’t seem to worry about the outcome, I apparently have nothing to lose. Every time again, I believe this time my luck will have turned to face me in my favor. Every time I have my hopes set on the power of faith to work its magic for me just once more. Every time I get burned, broken and beat down. I cry, self destruct, mourn my failure, grief my own downfall. Then I gather my loose pieces and my losses together and reach deep into the infinite bottomless pocket of love cash that is my heart. Only to play again, only one more time. Always.
Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I know that the house always wins and we’re all being scammed for the mere disillusionment that we could have it all and gain even more if we just play it right, if we just get in touch with that one stroke of luck. Maybe one day I’ll learn to walk away as soon as my winning streak is over. But instead I still sit here, betting more of myself than I actually have to give, just riding along on the hope, the wish, the dream, the faith that soon my luck will return. Or love.
27
Some things I have to admit…
I love that you are 27. Although there are so many people of that age, I love the exact fact and the only way you are 27, as I already love how you will be 28 in a few months.
You have your very own special way in every thing.. Breathing, thinking, moving, talking.. In all essence so pure and beautiful, so effortless and gracious.
I love how I met you, how our story developed. Like a blossom opening in shyness, but reflecting nature’s power in all its brightness.
The water from rain feeding its growth, the light from the sun securing its strength. That is how our love reflects the entire universe in us together.
I feel blessed in full awareness and am thankful in solid gratitude, for you and all you bring to my life.
Every piece of calmth and wisdom, strength and shelter, warmth and safety. Our complementing harmony ..supplementing in synergy ..self evident as synchronicity.
Above all, most importantly and sincere.. Care, Love, Trust ..braided together by communication without fear.
I adore your effect on me, I admire your entire being. You are what I envision paradise to be, the reality to all I’ve been dreaming.
So fascinating, how you captivate me. So gravitating, how you elevate me. Without any doubt, the surest thing to hold on to, the realest one to count on.
When all else fails, I know I will always have faith in us, and when all else falls apart, I know I will always have our love.
Infinity∞
I often wake up in a dream, wishing to be thunder, scary but never destructive.. or carelessly falling like rain, in solid free will..
there were no hearts found in any of my lives, any of all parallel universes, any of every alternate reality..
at least in one of them I am more, or happy, or evil, or useful, or reasonless..
who cares if you don’t have what you want here and now ? or then, there and never..
an infinity of worlds provides infinite possibilities, not each but every of your desires filled in one of them.. in total, this life doesn’t matter..
an infinity of lives is being lived by a countless amount of me…
but if infinity is infinite, there will also be infinite impossibilities, an infinity of disappointment and hurt.. dishonesty, treason and failure.. all stretched into the endlessness of time and space
..would anyone want to live through that ?
I’d rather just have this life.. I will always be everything and nothing in the greater scheme of it all ..this is just one frame .∞.