existence

The Magic Of Motherhood

~ Gita ~ Leave a comment

I keep surprising myself with the realization that I created an entire human. Or rather, she grew herself and chose my body as a home. Nature is a bad ass ingenious miracle maker
– The Magic Of Motherhood

• the birth of my daughter
birthed me as a mother •

Every time I look at her and imagine the tiny clump of cells that she started from, to now being all this: fingers, toes, eyes, ears, nose, mouth, skin, hairs. Not to mention her brain, so bright! Let’s not forget her soul, filled with light. Oh and, her heart full of joyful delight. She exists. How ever is this even possible? Originated from mere love. So powerful, she is
…by only just existing.

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The danger of a lone being.

~ Gita ~ 5 Comments

The scariest part of being alone is not the loneliness

The scariest part of being alone is not the loneliness.

It’s the forceful necessity to have only yourself to count on and deal with, in every situation, through every cognition and emotion, during every smile or teardrop, and every breath that falls too heavily.

While part of you suffers from urges to end all existence & an equally desperate part is looking anxiously to find purpose, still. Those being only two minor examples of the thousands and thousands of scattered pieces of self that constantly reflect and contradict one another.

It’s easy to get lost inside the mazes of your own heart and mind intertwined, when your soul feels trapped and the only way out is out of or through yourself. But what if there’s nothing, no one, outside of yourself to reach out to? Nobody you can truly trust, nobody to have meaningful interaction, nobody to share or exchange ideas and thoughts with, nobody to empathize or care with you.

I don’t claim to need anyone, but I don’t believe any person is capable of carrying their entire life by themselves one hundred percent of the time.
Of course, essentially, in all beginning and ending as well as most of the time in between, we are just ourselves by ourselves. But what becomes of this self, if it is only that connection you have… for days, becoming weeks, turning into months, building up to years. How does one grow out of themselves if all they have as reference, is their self, their own, alone, always…?

How dangerous can you become, by yourself, before interference becomes obvious? Who is to draw the line, but yourself, turning the whole thing into pure rhetorical irony?

To take it a little further, because why not? Or actually, because why not.
Who will then, when the line is drawn and interference becomes inevitable, be the one to step in between and flip the switch? Which switch would flipping become to have the mostly preferred result? What is this result supposed to be looking alike?

Who decides all this, or anything, the self that chose to become dangerous just because its possibility was an endless option, or the one who found cautiousness significant enough to inquire for change, or any of the other infinite varieties of self that have potential to be puzzled together from all the scattered pieces alone?

The same changes…

~ Gita ~ Leave a comment

Is there any such thing as “the same” ?

Do we see the same image after blinking with our eyes ? No of course not, in the nano second that my eyelid closed and reopened, a leaf may have fallen from the flowers in front of me, an ant may have crawled 2cm further in the grass. Even if nothing visibly moves, everything is still in motion. The world still turns, it doesn’t pause. I am a nano second ahead in time, the moment is not which it was when I chose to close my eyes.

Do we ever meet the same person ? No of course not. The person I saw yesterday may stand before me today again, but in the meantime this person has gone through several cognitive processes and experienced various emotions and situations. It might be too much to say that this person has changed to the core, but things have been added to or subtracted from this person’s being.

Am I ever the same person ? What is stated above about other people, counts for myself also. Who I am, what I know and want, might be slightly altered since yesterday, although maybe not significantly. Just as easily, something lifechanging could have occured, in just the past 5 seconds. Even when I’m not (yet) aware of it.

For anything to remain consistent in existence, there would have to be some way to put the here and now on hold. Because something is only what it is, in the exact moment and place that it is. A second later, a centimeter further and the entire situation is altered, resulting in a modification of the object itself in essence as well.

For anything to be released of this consistency, be free of the here and now clausule, it needs to change.

What causes an object to go from static to dynamic, from standing still to start moving? Technically speaking, the answer could be very elaborate and over-detailed. If you skip back through all the processes preceding the first step in the chain, you’ll get to it being just this tiny little thing, that stands at the begin of it all: the urge to will.

The only problem with willing, is that it doesn’t like to be forced. If it’s not there, you can’t just summon it. The wanting should be there and clear before beginning any movement, not the other way around. Don’t make wanting something a goal on it’s own. Your will is the means towards a goal that can get you further. Because standing still, doesn’t happen in this reality.