“Your heart will always stay
crippled, wounded, not scarred
Because scars are memories
of wounds that healed
I am damage that will never heal.”
– Truth Beyond Mystery
heart
Prayer.
When it comes to prayer, it is actually quite useless to pray for what you want or need. Even to thank God or ask for forgiveness, makes not much sense at all. Why? Because God in all His omniscient almightiness, already knows what you want and need, what is important to you, that you are thankful and (or) in search of forgiveness. He already gives it to you, with added unconditional love, you just need to be able and willing to receive it.
So prayer, essentially, is nothing but awareness. In your prayers you make yourself, rather than God, aware of what you want, need, wish and (or) hope for, what is important to you, that you are thankful, that you’re asking for forgiveness. After you have made yourself aware, then is when you can recognize the gift that God already places in your heart, because He already saw and granted you that which you didn’t have the words to ask for.
Fire.
In the tired tears of solitude and abandonment, I find the grounds that will take me further. They will move underneath my feet, they will carry me like I’m weightless. They will be nurtured by grains of strengthless hope, prideless faith and vainless patience.
The deeper the hole I dig in this nothingness, the larger the pile of dust I collect. All just matter to build a path from, all leading to a way out. The black hole beneath, above and around me gets sucked into oblivion by the fire inside my heart.
Infinite and pure, unmoved and self reliant. It fuels from its own ashes, it breathes its own heat. It burns water to steam, it lights air up to flames, it cracks any rock into sand. Every attempt to extinguish, it diminishes within a heartbeat.
It will be my leading light out of this darkness, it will be the furnace I prepare my food on, it will be the blanket I keep warm under, it will be my weapon against any harm.
I’ll reach the sun, going from cloud to cloud, from sitting by the moon, staring in amazement, blessed by its magical shine and warmth. I will return this fire to its nature and origin, and become a moon myself.
Forever surrounded by and surrounding myself with, the light, love and life that is within this eternal fire. Always in awe of what I once held in my heart to then enjoy from a safe and respectful length of peace.
Fulfilling My Faith
All the love I’ll ever have
Will always be in your possession
For yours to take and keep or leave
Awaiting your affection
To remove all of your worry
I consider my task and duty
Won’t ever allow for a frown
To rest on your face of an angel
Will try to never let you down
As much as I am able
Or am permitted by
The perks of human nature
All I can ever do is try
In the midst of all life’s danger
We can only pray and believe
Learn to trust and achieve
That we deserve what we receive
From loss to sorrow and grief
To love and comfort, relief
We all need someone
Along for carrying this weight
And I want you or no one
To join in fulfilling my faith
Taking me all the way
Up in the clouds
To where paradise is born
Beyond the rainbow rays
With no fear or doubts
Peaceful like the eye of a storm
Beauty like the light of one sun
Among a starless nightsky
I’ll hold your heart high
Treasure it with pride
Stay glued to your side
As long as you want me to
There will only be love flowing
Growing between me and you
I can be so sure without knowing
Because there’s no controlling what’s true
It will just go how it’s supposed to be going
And we can only follow through
With our hands tied to the sky
Our hearts bound together too
The vision of tomorrow in our eyes
Floathing on drops of morning dew
.Love/Hate.
The most common mistake people tend to make, is assuming that the opposite of love is hate. That you either love or hate someone, while actually, both notions exist simultaneously, in the same space, at the same time.
When you don’t have love in your life, you don’t necessarily have hate instead. What you do have, when you don’t have love…is silence, solitude and fear.
Fear of being left out, fear of living or dying alone, fear of not being remembered or seen or heard. No one to talk to, nobody to rely on, no sheltering arms around you, no shoulder to cry on, no special person to share all that you value. Silence in your soul and emptiness in your heart.
From this silence, solitude and fear…this lack of love, we actually have a choice we can make. We choose..
either hate; including hurt, anger and sadness, following each other up like chackles in a chain, on a downward spiral of negativity, of hating everything and everyone, especially ourselves..
or love; opening doors to hope, faith and happiness, equally following each other up like steps to a stairs, up to whatever we aspire to reach or become, believing in the good of life and being receptive for all the positivity of luck..
Two seperate paths with many intersections..
Love or Hate. It’s upto you.
Synergy
I wish I knew how to synthesize my heart with my mind. Tie them up together like a double helix. Let them fill in for each other’s lacks, compensate each other’s flaws. Have them in a loving relationship flowing full with mutual respect and high level communication.
Create a great enough synergy, to never again have doubt or worry, fear or jealousy.
You can’t have everything you want, without risking everything you have. One option rules out the other, it’s either this or that, choices are made with every breath to take.
But how to know whether what’s worth the trouble. How to know it won’t all be in vain. How to recollect your losses. How to gain from what you already feel and know.
Too bad I’m not a puzzle, that fits together in the end.
Too bad life is not a challenge.
No chance of ever winning it, only losing it is certain.
.Love Letter.
I wrote you a love letter
I’m not sure if you should read it
This love you give to me
Leaves me so defeated
More than I ever needed
Or thought I could ever be worth
With every thought you speak in words
Every gesture, every move of you
It hurts
That I can’t touch your skin
Feel your warmness
Don’t know where to begin
Don’t understand where this is coming from
Didn’t know if it’s even what I want
But I know I do
I know I love you
And everything you put me through
Everything you show so true
You make me feel belonged to
And get me to follow blindly too
There is so much more inside of this
I haven’t seen yet
Ever in my life
But I know it’s there
In your souls depth
Your eyes clearance
Your touch’s softness
Your all over tenderness
I know no signs of emptiness
In your presence
It all makes sense
And if anyone had told me before
Like anyone I’m telling now
It wouldn’t make sense at all
Beyond imagination
Out of this nature
But still so natural
In fact unbelievable
In the most literal way
You took my breathe away
From the first moment I saw your face
Upto our last second of embrace
And still every day
With every smile you place
On my heart and cheekbones
And every time I get reminded
Of this feeling formerly so unknown
I have to share my love with you
Won’t ever let you feel alone
Or let you down again I swear
As long as we both are there
In this place we share
For ourselves and each other
I’ll love you more than this earth holds water
I haven’t even talked about the honesty yet
The safety this precious
This pride that I treasure
When I look at you and realize
How you’re so much more than anything
How you put the me in mesmerize
And how you give me even more for nothing
Always loving
Always you care
Even when I refuse
And choose
To not be fair
You still prove
That you can be stronger
Without hurting me
And that I’m made to belong there
With you so perfectly
I aim for us to grow this into
All that it can become to be
Which is more than anyone who
Has ever loved before can see
I believe in this
Almost sacredly
Because you have me
My heart my soul
You stole
All so faithfully
Promised by God alone
You gave me what he has shown
My future to be like
You by my side
Me as your wife
I can’t believe how I can
Trust this feeling and be still so open
Even though my heart has been
So brutally mutulated
To the point where it would seem
There was no chance to relive
But only this love
That you so generously give
Has all that holds it together
Easing the pain
Not just making it better
But providing the health
So that I can grow again
New seeds will flourish then
And these flowers will be ours
I am devoted to these powers
This magic you sprinkled in my eyes
Covered me so overwhelming
Yet so easy to recognize
Cause only truth feels so good
And only purity can provide security
I adore you for this
This world you gave me access to
And you take me by the hand through all steps
Knowing I have never been there yet
Cause it’s scary and big and bright and new
But it’s all okay as long as I have you
The most impossible part of all
You need me as much back
You feel everything to the detail mutual
Even more so, illogical
It’s insane, but still plausible
And that’s enough reason for me to believe
That’s all I need to give and receiv
My love to the truest
Most beautiful, I dare say
Are you with me next to it
So that’s how we’ll eagerly stay
And if all else has gone lost
At whatever cost
Then at least we’ll still have us
We’ll always have our love as cause
Clarity
clear as water
shimmers of green
seconds of teardrops
shapes of sand unseen
paradise at fingertips
bliss of air around the lips
it feels like I belong here
I don’t ever want to go back
to where I came and fled from
where I have nothing to become
or maybe I just favor the escape
of any place would be okay
as long as it doesn’t cause to make
me fear the same faith
in what I don’t want to believe
need dearly
but too ignorant to receive
as it seems
clearly
I revolve in similar patterns
endlessly over and over
like the earth spins around its waist
all I could be goes to waste
in being too stubborn to make mistakes
so that it actually turns to be that case
I’m stuck in a fase
of not wanting to take
responsibility for what I break
and those thoughts I have lately
of what will await me
when I go back to where I started
reloaded but still abandoned
revived but broken hearted
is there ever any end to this ?
how did it ever come to this ?
at what point
..which second
..what moment
did it all turn around ?
turned against me
pointing down
is it inevitable ?
is this just a rough patch ?
should I just adjust ?
make the best of what becomes less
hold my breath and swim on
pretend I won’t drown
if I don’t hear the sound
of the waves filling my face
draining my body
to the bottoms of decay
covered with bottomless clay
senseless to pray
because God never may
know of this weakness
no one should in any way
all because of pride
or care for protection
so in contradictions we collide
with ourself aiming for perfection
and I still feel like I have
no soul, no heart, no purpose
embracing what is nothingness
could have made it hurt less
respecting the fallacies
of being my own worst enemy
might just get me closer to myself
to not fight but conspire
with my other half
the moon isn’t ever really full
without her darkside by her
against any reason or rule
.This Time.
This time will be different. This time I’m going as a prisoner of a heart I nolonger own, but still claim to have. This time I go as a disbeliever of the love I never received, perhaps not deserved, but always felt.
This time I’m lost, drained and drowning.
This time I’m broken, empty and scarred.
This time I’m hurt and betrayed, abandoned and left to die.
Left without goodbye.
This time I’m not turning back, nor want I to be turned back for. This time I won’t care, nor want I to be cared for. This time it’s over. And all times to come, I will refuse, to go over it again.
.Butterfly Lullaby.
At night she takes flight
Across the skies so bright
Lit up by the moon’s shine
Neither yours, never mine
In silver air she flows
Along locked windows
Deep in the dark she goes
Unaware of her foes
She prays for the sun’s fire
But careful to not get killed
By her heart’s desire
That with disease is filled
And the dangers that lure
In this nocturnal weather
Her soft wings flap pure
They strike light like a feather
But strong like a chain
As long as she can remain
She will rise between the shadows
And sleep in innocent meadows
When the dew has dried
And the roosters have cried
She’s off to her daily sleep
Lost in dreams she wills to keep
Truth Beyond Mystery 