I still blame you for putting us through this, I still blame you for letting me stand alone, while promising me that as long as I believe we will, we can. I still blame you for walking away and extending this torture, instead of expanding our future, for pretending there’s no other way. I blame you for making me feel like there’s truly no way out, to the point that I become as hopeless as I am love deprived in this loneliness of heartache far from your calm safety of resurrection and revival.
I honestly don’t care anymore, what is realistic or not, if this love is real it should be able to provide us with the power to overcome and persevere. Not only in separation, but in ways to end it also. Not only to get through this together, but to remain in togetherness also.
It might now even be all on you, I know it’s not, but in the powerlessness of this struggle, the urge to blame someone other than myself is maybe the only thing that can still keep me hopeful. As contradictory as that sounds, as it is.
Sometimes not having a choice is also a choice. I principally don’t believe in the concept of regret, because it’s useless by default. Regret is not the same as learning from mistakes and moving on for the better, regret is dwelling in past mistakes and not providing the means to change course. I do, however in all my contradictory ways, regret many of the choices we said we had no choice but to make. I still blame you, but now I blame myself too.
Mystery to me
Purple skies and lightning striking remind me of why I met you
You luminate my mind and soften my heart with all that you are
My senses are covered by your sweetness through whatever I fall into
When I’m in your presence and you shine over me like my very own star
Being alive never felt so purposed and meaningful
Being aware was never before so necessary for me
Being fearless causes me to enjoy how I’m free to fall
Being honest and open makes it all so effortless to see
I’ve never in my life believed so truly in one essence
Because of that I feel justified in knowing that it’s real
I preciously cherish each and every of your lessons
You are to me a mystery awaiting for me to reveal