Our Love

I love how much you love me
How much our love can overcome
How even when we no longer exist
Our love still live on
I believe that
I love how much I love you
Even when it hurts
It’s a power greater and stronger
Than either of us
Or together combined

Liquid Love

Love is what it looks like to look at you
My pride I feel is proof enough
Of how pure and precious you are
Which somehow I always was aware of
When my eyes locked the first time
There was no other thought roaming
Than a desire to get to know you
As I saw you I stay ever since in awe
And each day as I grow closer
To understanding your beauty
I sink deeper in a delicate embrace
A liquid love that coats me in thick coverage
All around, soaked through and through
Like ink in my skin, no washing away

Caught on my retina one day
You stayed on my mind
As we connected at first sight
You latched on to my soul easily
Seeping your way into my heart
Daily devouring me with care
On emotion, in spirit, physically
With your love so empowering
How it overwhelms me full of wonder
There’s no will for me to control
Any of myself anymore
All for you it will always be
I don’t remember from before
Who I was prior to you loving me

From above

Every other second
I feel like everything could fall apart
Tragedies that happened
Remain irreversible to the heart

What’s left of promises?

The answer I’m still waiting for
Broken spirit more or less
But faith still blooming forever sure

Like flowers sprouting from clouds of doubt
Still proud with or without solid ground
On how it will unfold or fall
Because nothing at all
I repeat, nothing at all
Could replace any aspect
Of this wonderful, disastrous, magical epic

For the ball is round
It’s you that I found
And embrace every effect
That your beautiful, infectious, angelic being
Has on me
What you’ve done to us
I can’t stop to be
Amazed every day
I am faced to appreciate

How I’m becoming by love
Up and down, around and from above

Nobody.

The only reason why I need people in my life, is to be reminded that they are never to be trusted or relied on.

A simple reminder for everyone:

Just know, in the back of your head, but try to keep it close to the surface of your heart, that when it comes down to the real essence, there is exactly nobody there for you. Regardless the cause or nature of your troubles. Regardless if it’s trouble or perhaps even happiness you have to share. There is nobody who really cares, nobody you can count on. You have nobody.

So feel free to get connected, involved or attached with anyone. Just remember this one truth until your last breath. Nobody.

You will only, always only, have yourself. In your best and in your worst moments, in the center of that moment, it’s always just you. You are born alone, you live alone, and you will die alone. Others come and go and might stay for a while and you may enjoy their company. But don’t fool yourself with thinking that they are there for you. They are, just like you, only there for themselves. It’s their right and their prerogative also, as it is your duty to come to this awareness. You need nobody.

It’s the loneliest realization to ever make, but it’s necessary to prevent any further disappointment and protect yourself from rejection and every form of hurt. Accept misery from…exactly, nobody.

It’s easy once you get it. You will always have nobody. No matter how deeply they love you, no matter how many unconditional promises were planted in your fertile soil of optimists belief. No matter how close and compassionate they may seem, they are never going to be there for you when you actually need them. That is a promise I can make in the name of the universe.

Crown.

Love wears your name as a crown
Beauty itself turns pale next to you
You pull me up through the clouds
To never come down
The embrace of your heart I most value
💕

No Returns.

I will never not love you
It’s been running through my mind
For days and months and years now
I guess I have to begin to accept
That you’re just part of my soul
Running alongside my blood
Together with every heartbeat
Through my tiniest capillaries
Pulsing subtle and softly
In the background
Never too present
But absolutely always there
Fed by each ounce of oxygen
I manage to breathe
While I might not be aware
Each time I give it a glance
I catch myself looking away
Startled by my own thoughts
Of hoping for another chance
This no longer makes sense
So much time has passed
So many reasons convincingly
Brought us only further from each other
Yet safely buried underneath
My deepest layers of emotions
You are still the truest love I’ve ever felt
As I realize in cautious observation
How I always pick the roughest path
Only grow the hardest way
I will still calmly walk along
This one way street
Leading always to
But never from you
All my heart slowly learns
Love doesn’t do returns
Through giving or gain
Pieces will always remain

Neverland

heaven send (2)

and if I never land
it’s because
you’re heaven send

– Truth Beyond Mystery

Now I will

My heart is too widely open
I could be crouched down with a blade pressed to my skin
But if someone would then and there need me, I’d forget all the hate and hurt, just for them, temporarily
To have it waiting for me when I return to myself

I will still, help, love, care
Even if I can’t do any of those for myself
My heart is too widely open
But the love flows one way
Because I don’t know how to receive
I’m not blaming anyone else
It’s not self pity either

Just a reality I either have to get used to
Or find a way to change
But what makes me think, that after 15 years of trying
Now I will succeed?

Love is a gamble. Always.

I feel like a tirelessly exhausted gambling addict.

Every time I lose, the stakes get raised and I always go all in. I don’t ease into it, I don’t wait or ponder whether I have the right cards. I don’t seem to worry about the outcome, I apparently have nothing to lose. Every time again, I believe this time my luck will have turned to face me in my favor. Every time I have my hopes set on the power of faith to work its magic for me just once more. Every time I get burned, broken and beat down. I cry, self destruct, mourn my failure, grief my own downfall. Then I gather my loose pieces and my losses together and reach deep into the infinite bottomless pocket of love cash that is my heart. Only to play again, only one more time. Always.

Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I know that the house always wins and we’re all being scammed for the mere disillusionment that we could have it all and gain even more if we just play it right, if we just get in touch with that one stroke of luck. Maybe one day I’ll learn to walk away as soon as my winning streak is over. But instead I still sit here, betting more of myself than I actually have to give, just riding along on the hope, the wish, the dream, the faith that soon my luck will return. Or love.

Weakness & Neglect

Hello weakness and neglect
Your name is not love anymore
You’ve chosen ego over us
Nothing matters but your pride
Every try you will reject
No issue is ever resolved

Hello weakness and neglect
My every gesture you ignore
I’ve chosen now to give up
All importance you let slide
Never did you self reflect
None of us was involved

Hello weakness and neglect
Our memories won’t restore
We’ve chosen to kill our love
Both of us are broken inside
Neither of us we could protect
Which self has evolved?