I wrote you a love letter
I’m not sure if you should read it
This love you give to me
Leaves me so defeated
More than I ever needed
Or thought I could ever be worth
With every thought you speak in words
Every gesture, every move of you
It hurts
That I can’t touch your skin
Feel your warmness
Don’t know where to begin
Don’t understand where this is coming from
Didn’t know if it’s even what I want
But I know I do
I know I love you
And everything you put me through
Everything you show so true
You make me feel belonged to
And get me to follow blindly too
There is so much more inside of this
I haven’t seen yet
Ever in my life
But I know it’s there
In your souls depth
Your eyes clearance
Your touch’s softness
Your all over tenderness
I know no signs of emptiness
In your presence
It all makes sense
And if anyone had told me before
Like anyone I’m telling now
It wouldn’t make sense at all
Beyond imagination
Out of this nature
But still so natural
In fact unbelievable
In the most literal way
You took my breathe away
From the first moment I saw your face
Upto our last second of embrace
And still every day
With every smile you place
On my heart and cheekbones
And every time I get reminded
Of this feeling formerly so unknown
I have to share my love with you
Won’t ever let you feel alone
Or let you down again I swear
As long as we both are there
In this place we share
For ourselves and each other
I’ll love you more than this earth holds water
I haven’t even talked about the honesty yet
The safety this precious
This pride that I treasure
When I look at you and realize
How you’re so much more than anything
How you put the me in mesmerize
And how you give me even more for nothing
Always loving
Always you care
Even when I refuse
And choose
To not be fair
You still prove
That you can be stronger
Without hurting me
And that I’m made to belong there
With you so perfectly
I aim for us to grow this into
All that it can become to be
Which is more than anyone who
Has ever loved before can see
I believe in this
Almost sacredly
Because you have me
My heart my soul
You stole
All so faithfully
Promised by God alone
You gave me what he has shown
My future to be like
You by my side
Me as your wife
I can’t believe how I can
Trust this feeling and be still so open
Even though my heart has been
So brutally mutulated
To the point where it would seem
There was no chance to relive
But only this love
That you so generously give
Has all that holds it together
Easing the pain
Not just making it better
But providing the health
So that I can grow again
New seeds will flourish then
And these flowers will be ours
I am devoted to these powers
This magic you sprinkled in my eyes
Covered me so overwhelming
Yet so easy to recognize
Cause only truth feels so good
And only purity can provide security
I adore you for this
This world you gave me access to
And you take me by the hand through all steps
Knowing I have never been there yet
Cause it’s scary and big and bright and new
But it’s all okay as long as I have you
The most impossible part of all
You need me as much back
You feel everything to the detail mutual
Even more so, illogical
It’s insane, but still plausible
And that’s enough reason for me to believe
That’s all I need to give and receiv
My love to the truest
Most beautiful, I dare say
Are you with me next to it
So that’s how we’ll eagerly stay
And if all else has gone lost
At whatever cost
Then at least we’ll still have us
We’ll always have our love as cause
poetry
Clarity
clear as water
shimmers of green
seconds of teardrops
shapes of sand unseen
paradise at fingertips
bliss of air around the lips
it feels like I belong here
I don’t ever want to go back
to where I came and fled from
where I have nothing to become
or maybe I just favor the escape
of any place would be okay
as long as it doesn’t cause to make
me fear the same faith
in what I don’t want to believe
need dearly
but too ignorant to receive
as it seems
clearly
I revolve in similar patterns
endlessly over and over
like the earth spins around its waist
all I could be goes to waste
in being too stubborn to make mistakes
so that it actually turns to be that case
I’m stuck in a fase
of not wanting to take
responsibility for what I break
and those thoughts I have lately
of what will await me
when I go back to where I started
reloaded but still abandoned
revived but broken hearted
is there ever any end to this ?
how did it ever come to this ?
at what point
..which second
..what moment
did it all turn around ?
turned against me
pointing down
is it inevitable ?
is this just a rough patch ?
should I just adjust ?
make the best of what becomes less
hold my breath and swim on
pretend I won’t drown
if I don’t hear the sound
of the waves filling my face
draining my body
to the bottoms of decay
covered with bottomless clay
senseless to pray
because God never may
know of this weakness
no one should in any way
all because of pride
or care for protection
so in contradictions we collide
with ourself aiming for perfection
and I still feel like I have
no soul, no heart, no purpose
embracing what is nothingness
could have made it hurt less
respecting the fallacies
of being my own worst enemy
might just get me closer to myself
to not fight but conspire
with my other half
the moon isn’t ever really full
without her darkside by her
against any reason or rule
.Powerless.
Empty words
And meaningless promises
You don’t know how it hurts
To believe and be powerless
I don’t even know why I care about you
You haven’t really done anything to earn my trust
It’s just the way you are and how you do
That makes me want to be with you like I must
You just came out of nowhere and made me believe
That the feeling was real enough to send and receive
And you claim to care.. but really you don’t
And you want to be there.. but really you won’t
I know you’re fighting yourself over this all
Cause you don’t want to want what you’re feeling towards me
And you can’t willingly let go the control
Cause you’re so damaged and hurt, so fearful of what might be
Don’t want me too close, but afraid to lose me also
It would hurt us both, if one of us chooses to go
You’d be offended if I’d leave
But won’t make the effort so that I’ll stay
Can you just decide please?
What it is you want from me and in what way
.Butterfly Lullaby.
At night she takes flight
Across the skies so bright
Lit up by the moon’s shine
Neither yours, never mine
In silver air she flows
Along locked windows
Deep in the dark she goes
Unaware of her foes
She prays for the sun’s fire
But careful to not get killed
By her heart’s desire
That with disease is filled
And the dangers that lure
In this nocturnal weather
Her soft wings flap pure
They strike light like a feather
But strong like a chain
As long as she can remain
She will rise between the shadows
And sleep in innocent meadows
When the dew has dried
And the roosters have cried
She’s off to her daily sleep
Lost in dreams she wills to keep
Only Hope.
So many losses
Remembering the hurt
I don’t know how to recognize myself
Memories covered up in dirt
I have no feeling left
It all fell apart
My soul is drowning in this deep liquid
Bleeding out my heart
I peel of my skin like a furr coat
There is more emptiness underneath
Every layer is all the same
It never comes together in any sense
No reason, no purpose
No goal and no mercy
Unresponsive to relativity
Intolerant to patience
Rebellious towards gravity
Ignorant yet persuasive
It’s like a never ending story
But in lack of beginning
Now that I’m in it
I can not get out
It revolves around me
Like a bubble of soap
Incomprehensive water
Collecting and kept in captivity
Disobediant but servile
Destructing freedom for felicity
There is no safety
Only hope.
Mystery to me
Purple skies and lightning striking remind me of why I met you
You luminate my mind and soften my heart with all that you are
My senses are covered by your sweetness through whatever I fall into
When I’m in your presence and you shine over me like my very own star
Being alive never felt so purposed and meaningful
Being aware was never before so necessary for me
Being fearless causes me to enjoy how I’m free to fall
Being honest and open makes it all so effortless to see
I’ve never in my life believed so truly in one essence
Because of that I feel justified in knowing that it’s real
I preciously cherish each and every of your lessons
You are to me a mystery awaiting for me to reveal
Hurt.
You rather hurt me, for loving you..
Than hurt yourself, by loving me..
I understand that though, but it still hurts..
Because you think that I will hurt you, if you let me come closer..
But now you hurt me, by shutting me out so cold..
Wish there was a way, so that neither of us would get hurt..
Please tell me there is…
Echoes.
I try to reach out and hold you right there
But you’re just thick water and thin air
Flowing hard and whistling softly
I recognize the melody
But it gets flushed away by your flood
Don’t want to reset the memory
Cause you’re yet part of my blood
Could you just slow down to disappear
And let me make it more clear
That this goes deeper than a feeling
This is far more certain than faith
It’s a disease that offers healing
A part of love we like to hate
Because we can’t control how it goes
There is no real sound in echoes
The only thing we got is here and now
You and me
Whatever comes next
Or after that
Is as we choose it to be
Epic Moments
Epic moments
Ancient memories
They have a way of coming
Always back to me
When I watch the shades
In a dark night outside
Or when I watch the sun fade
Into the water so bright
Then I realise how my heart
Is filled with so much
Love and care, but torn apart
By edges of broken trust
Whatever may heal
Leaves scars
Things I will always feel
Nomatter how far
Or long ago they might have been
My eyes can’t keep up
With all the ugliness I’ve seen
And been through non stop
They say life is tough
And nomatter how you try
It seems never enough
Nonetheless I’ll get by
And breathe through another day
Find another chance
Create my own space and way
To then again
Fall and fail
But never to quit
Until my last exhale
Until my fire is unlit
I will keep making memories
To learn from and leave behind
I will remember every piece
Every treasure that I find
.the darkside of the sun.
what do you know about
the dark side of the sun
hidden beneath a heat of clouds
I promise you that no one
has ever been there or seen that
too hard, too hot, too far, too bad
you wouldn’t even think to care to know
because you will never be able to go
don’t think you should or would even want
but I know you’re challenged by
the fact that it has never been done
but the further you try to fly
the deeper you allow yourself to fall
no reasons for how or why
cause don’t we all
just love the thought of danger
the risk of meeting a stranger
but of course to never trust
cause we’re just addicted to the rush
and all that could happen
what should not but probably will
how much we let in
and enjoy the pieces of ourselves to spill
to never recollect
never care what’s next
and never come back to it
never let show
our purest or truest
it’s a waste, a shame
worth for nothing to know
but still we are the same
and you do it just like me
innocent covers to blow
will it ever change?
unlikely
cause those sad games
give breathing flavor
and only to win time
we do each other a favor
pretending to seek
never caring to find
until that darkside meets
and we roll back into our minds
then it’s history within a week
those memories never to repeat
happy we will never become
not like this
but why care over the outcome
when the real bliss
of these rays of sun
always overshine the dark side
why care what’s on the inside
if we keep it on the surface
nothing can ever hurt us
Truth Beyond Mystery 