Eternally revolving

I am beyond saddened
about what I could have
not could have had
could still have
yet can’t
because allowing myself
would destroy so many
lives that have come
to be connected
with mine

all my wishes
mean nothing
empty phonetics
lacking semantic value
eternally revolving
around you
against my will
involuntary orbit

who says the moon
pulls on the waves
who is to say
if it isn’t the water
holding her on a leash
lapping devotedly
to keep up
with your
bewildered tides



clear as water
shimmers of green
seconds of teardrops
shapes of sand unseen
paradise at fingertips
bliss of air around the lips
it feels like I belong here
I don’t ever want to go back
to where I came and fled from
where I have nothing to become
or maybe I just favor the escape
of any place would be okay
as long as it doesn’t cause to make
me fear the same faith
in what I don’t want to believe
need dearly
but too ignorant to receive
as it seems

I revolve in similar patterns
endlessly over and over
like the earth spins around its waist
all I could be goes to waste
in being too stubborn to make mistakes
so that it actually turns to be that case
I’m stuck in a fase
of not wanting to take
responsibility for what I break
and those thoughts I have lately
of what will await me
when I go back to where I started
reloaded but still abandoned
revived but broken hearted

is there ever any end to this ?
how did it ever come to this ?
at what point
..which second
..what moment
did it all turn around ?
turned against me
pointing down

is it inevitable ?
is this just a rough patch ?
should I just adjust ?
make the best of what becomes less
hold my breath and swim on
pretend I won’t drown
if I don’t hear the sound
of the waves filling my face
draining my body

to the bottoms of decay
covered with bottomless clay
senseless to pray
because God never may
know of this weakness
no one should in any way
all because of pride
or care for protection
so in contradictions we collide
with ourself aiming for perfection

and I still feel like I have
no soul, no heart, no purpose
embracing what is nothingness
could have made it hurt less
respecting the fallacies
of being my own worst enemy
might just get me closer to myself
to not fight but conspire
with my other half
the moon isn’t ever really full
without her darkside by her
against any reason or rule