Life line.

All she wanted was a hug
A kiss, a warm consoling hand
On any part of her skin
When she told you she longs to no longer live
All she wanted was a few seconds of your time
Not hours, like you assumed
And yes you gave hours of your day to her
Spending time together, having fun
Watching videos, cuddling on the couch

But in this moment
She lost all of herself like the fleeting reflection of a moons full cycle into the new

She knew it would return, but right now there was nothing
Not even a speck of light
And all

She needed was a hug, a kiss
A warm consoling hand
On any part of her skin

But you said you had to work
You don’t have time for this right now
She asked you if she could die
You said no, but you showed her yes
By dismissing her pain, dismissing her clear call for your positive attention
You had to work cause your deadline wouldn’t wait

Wasting all week for the last moment to never make it in time to keep your promises anyway
Maybe she’ll jump your dead line some day
That used to be a life line but you pulled it away.


No Returns.

I will never not love you
It’s been running through my mind
For days and months and years now
I guess I have to begin to accept
That you’re just part of my soul
Running alongside my blood
Together with every heartbeat
Through my tiniest capillaries
Pulsing subtle and softly
In the background
Never too present
But absolutely always there
Fed by each ounce of oxygen
I manage to breathe
While I might not be aware
Each time I give it a glance
I catch myself looking away
Startled by my own thoughts
Of hoping for another chance
This no longer makes sense
So much time has passed
So many reasons convincingly
Brought us only further from each other
Yet safely buried underneath
My deepest layers of emotions
You are still the truest love I’ve ever felt
As I realize in cautious observation
How I always pick the roughest path
Only grow the hardest way
I will still calmly walk along
This one way street
Leading always to
But never from you
All my heart slowly learns
Love doesn’t do returns
Through giving or gain
Pieces will always remain

Geef mij maar lust..

Geef mij maar lust. Heerlijke nietsontziende, grijpbare, alles-consumerende lust. Gebruik makende van de energie van de liefde, voort bouwende op de energie van de passie. De perfecte combinatie van elementen met als enig doel en oogpunt een volmaakte en complete vervulling van onze meest roerende begeertes en vurigste verlangens.

Lust, zij overheerst en overleeft de liefde, op menig vlak. Wordt nimmer geleid door emoties als angst, verdriet of wanhoop, maar slechts door de voortdurende zoektocht, de voortstuwende ambitie naar geluk, plezier, vreugde en genot.

Lust is de enige echte doeloorzaak voor pure optimisten. De weg naar een beter, prettiger en tevredener leven is nimmer de liefde, welke slechts gevolgd wordt door een spoor van tranen, en vervolgens verdrinkt in de zeeën die daarmee ontstaan, maar liever de lust in al haar glorie. Dus, zodoende en als zodanig, geef mij maar lust.

A modest translation:

I prefer lust. Deliciously ruthless, tangible, all-consuming lust. Making use of the energy of love, building on the energy of passion. The perfect combination of elements with as only purpose and view a flawless and complete fulfillment of our most moving avidity and fiery desires.

Lust, she dominates and survives love, on many levels. Will never be guided by emotions like fear, sorrow or dispair, but solely by the enduring journey, the propellent ambition for happiness, pleasure, joy and bliss.

Lust is the only teleologic cause for pure optimists. The road towards a better, nicer and satisfied life is never love, which is always followed by a trail of tears, and then drowns in seas that are formed thereby, but rather lust in all her glory. So, therefore and as such, I prefer lust.

Collisions & Pragmatism

What is it that makes people collide?
What makes it that person X, falls for person Y, and not for person Z?

This isn’t about logic, mathematics or statistics for that matter.
This is about chemistry. Not the scientific kind, but the attracting/appealing kind of chemistry. The kind that brings us to passion, lust, love and all other claimed emotions.

Of course there’s the scientific explanation, to why people come to interact in a certain way with specific other people.
The Darwinistic evolutionary view, about ‘fittest reproduction partners’ and feromones and genetic variation and so on.

But that dear theory does not give us (or me!) a reasonable motivation to why so many people fall for the WRONG person.

The thought that everything has to have reasonable ground, just doesn’t do it, when it comes to interpersonal relationships. They rarely make sense at all, let alone are reasonable in any way or kind.
The neediness for this constant fallback on act-react, give-take, cost-profit, economic balance of usefulness.. is called pragmatism. The thought that everything has to be useful in some sense, or else it might not even exist..!

Luckily for love, it is and can not be bound by any laws or structures, perfectly flawed as it is. Therefore this pragmatism does not apply. Love does not serve any external goal, it doesn’t have to be useful, it does not need any reason or ground to exist. Its only goal, usefulness, reason or ground is itself, intrinsically.

But love does not always draw the lines in the social grid of human intersections. So what is it really, that makes us connect to certain people, rather than to various fit others?
Are these people experiences we have to evolve through, life lessons haunting to be learned, post-traumatic stress therapy maybe?
Whatever it is, I’m pretty sure it’s more than just DNA & genes trying to survive and multiply themselves, regardless of and through us..

Pragmatism itself is pragmatic, and not in a pleonastic sense. It can be useful, but is not necessarily the only or right way to see or do things.

My thought of the day:

The most useful (pragmatic) thing isn’t always the best or most righteous. Because the best & most righteous things in life are not useful at all. They just fill the soul with a glow.

Therefore, it’s probably right to say, there is no reason to why.. ever! Any question that starts with WHY, can be answered by the recollection that there is no answer at all..