I still blame you for putting us through this, I still blame you for letting me stand alone, while promising me that as long as I believe we will, we can. I still blame you for walking away and extending this torture, instead of expanding our future, for pretending there’s no other way. I blame you for making me feel like there’s truly no way out, to the point that I become as hopeless as I am love deprived in this loneliness of heartache far from your calm safety of resurrection and revival.
I honestly don’t care anymore, what is realistic or not, if this love is real it should be able to provide us with the power to overcome and persevere. Not only in separation, but in ways to end it also. Not only to get through this together, but to remain in togetherness also.
It might now even be all on you, I know it’s not, but in the powerlessness of this struggle, the urge to blame someone other than myself is maybe the only thing that can still keep me hopeful. As contradictory as that sounds, as it is.
Sometimes not having a choice is also a choice. I principally don’t believe in the concept of regret, because it’s useless by default. Regret is not the same as learning from mistakes and moving on for the better, regret is dwelling in past mistakes and not providing the means to change course. I do, however in all my contradictory ways, regret many of the choices we said we had no choice but to make. I still blame you, but now I blame myself too.
The Unpromised Tomorrow
I would not ask of you to give me all your tomorrows, for there is no such thing as a promise in tomorrow.
I wouldn’t ask you for anything beyond your control of the universe.
But I’d like to ask you for your yesterdays. A promise to share together our reflections on memories of our times.
That, if we may make it to the unpromised tomorrow, we will accompany each other to celebrate every yesterday we’ve come through.
A Letter to Purpose.
Hello Purpose, remember me ?
I first met you over a dozen years ago, an insignificant while before my childhood froze into wintertime. As that ice sculpture still remains, other seasons thoroughly overwhelmed and interrogated the rest of my belongings. In reflection to what I may have lost or gained during the lengthy depths of travels through these times and spaces, I could find no reason to resist a recollection, specificly of our distinct familiarity within the wide spectrum of all supposed acknowledgments.
I have no pretense to claim in presuming that you might be inclined with this same sensation, but I feel strongly dysphoric about the unforseen and somewhat reluctantly imposed seperation that fell upon our amity so unfortunately. Who is to blame, perhaps, if blame is entitled to posture in this particular affair, I will not be the one to judge.
Because our acquaintance was of fairly short duration, and therefore qualifying merely as vague and faintly unconscious, it received never a chance to be or become more deeply intensified. This to my most sincere regretfulness, as our former interactions held so much promise within their potentials. In spite of this endurance of unawareness on both ends, I know there is still a mutual understanding of how it used to be and possible a slightly more sufficient and respectful comprehension of how it could be, to begin with.
These apparant visions I gave focus on sharing with you, for us to plausibly reunite in any of the nearest by of futures, in absence of any sense of expectant coercion, are faithfully substantiated and hopefully witnessed within the care of this letter.
Hereby, I salute you, hence seeking eagerly forward to, if residing in good fortunes, an equally heartfelt response.
Forever Faithful & Patiently Awaiting,
a previous possessor of Purpose.
.daydreams & nightmares.
Eyes filled with rays of sunlight
I dream away about illusions of love
The promise of nomore violent fights
Impossible to get in reach of
Believing makes the mind grow
To immeasurable proportions
What you see, and want, and know
Can cause for internal distortion
The thing I’m searching for
Unwillingly but still sure
Does not exist
Like the care, I thought to share
Or see in your eyes before
It’s an unclear mist
That covers the senses
Like living in daydreams
When the mind comprehenses
That nothing is what it seems
But the heart has hope
And is easy to influence
No matter how thin the rope
Love lets you hang on your essence
Making you believe you can cope
Pushing you out of balance
And when you fall
You never hit ground
You never recall
Why you were up there at all
And in every thing you do
You get flushed by flashbacks
Of a past full of scratches and cracks
Yet never the less
You never surpress
Any of those nightmares
They control your ego
The reason for all your cares
Your worries so lethal
I never believed in love
Until i fell for its lies
Together with all the above
Plus some heartpain and cries
Nights when sleeping is irrelevant
Begin and end with these
Daydreams and nightmares so innocent
But they slaughter every piece
And inner peace
I should’ve ragged the blade through your face
When I had the chance for it
When you laid asleep next to me
Before you could fire your rage against me
Next time you dare to care to come around
I got a surprise, I promise
You won’t see it coming
When you try to act up or hurt me again
I got a bullet here waiting
With your initials on it
My revenge is silent and motionless
Like when your body falls
And I will never regret it
Because it’s only justice
My way to deal with
What you did
Poem of Inspiration
Today I would like to share with you a poem I wrote last night. It represents my current attitude, my mental state is elevated.
Inspired by someone I know, I’ve put it to words:
“You make me want to achieve something
You make me want to work & fight & strive
You make me believe in the power of wanting
You inspire me to make something of my life
And all just by looking at you
And all you’ve done and all you do
It doesn’t make me jealous
It doesn’t make me feel I am less
It just makes me want to be more
Try harder, have a goal to go for
Towards where no one has been before
Do what I really want
And what I’m good at
Be smart, keep my mind set
Never regret, and never forget
Pride is something I always had
Now it’s time to put it to good use
If I don’t try to win
I will definetly lose
And that’s something
I simply refuse
So I’m going all in
To follow what I choose
Thanks for the inspiration
Heartfelt without hesitation
One day you’ll catch my appreciation
I promise this, without exaggeration”
I hope you liked it.. In my next post I’ll try to explain why and how I came to name my blog ‘Truth Beyond Mystery’ (:
My thought of the day:
Everything implies access to possibilities.
Possibilities imply access to everything.