take my breath away
cause it hurts and aches
and I don’t care for it anymore
I want to be more than before
you should keep your distance
cause in an instant
I can turn violent on you
even though I don’t want to
and I don’t deal with regret
it’s a selfish & senseless act
and I hate a powerless feeling
cause it’s doesn’t provide healing
I just want my lungs gone
with my heart I’m also done
I have no need for it
will live solely by courage
and fed by frustration
a severe separation
of the morbid mind
where there is no flaw to find
I long so long for peace
but am bound by this disease
these trainwrecks of thoughts
restraining from what I ought
still my movements are empty
and your hatred only tempts me
to stack up strength
and reach for revenge
fear for what will follow
the words you read are hollow
but the sensation it gives you
is worse than you can live through
Shadow
Why are you in my heart?
Get out..
You have no right being there!
It’s not where you belong at all
I don’t even know who you are
You’re like a faint and distant memory
A vague shadow swimming through my blood
The scent of something I already forgot
And you won’t let me in either
Because if I can’t get you out
I want to know your story
But you refuse to respond
Everytime I see your face
You remind me of this feeling
So remote and irrelevant
Still so apparant and appealing
I want to know you
Or I want you gone
Looking for signals
That are missing
I need to run from this
Knowing either way you’ll follow
And since I can’t hide in your chest
I don’t want to know where I’m going
Someday I hope you’ll release me
And show me who you really are
Cause being in love with a total stranger
Is the scariest thing ever so far
Collisions & Pragmatism
What is it that makes people collide?
What makes it that person X, falls for person Y, and not for person Z?
This isn’t about logic, mathematics or statistics for that matter.
This is about chemistry. Not the scientific kind, but the attracting/appealing kind of chemistry. The kind that brings us to passion, lust, love and all other claimed emotions.
Of course there’s the scientific explanation, to why people come to interact in a certain way with specific other people.
The Darwinistic evolutionary view, about ‘fittest reproduction partners’ and feromones and genetic variation and so on.
But that dear theory does not give us (or me!) a reasonable motivation to why so many people fall for the WRONG person.
The thought that everything has to have reasonable ground, just doesn’t do it, when it comes to interpersonal relationships. They rarely make sense at all, let alone are reasonable in any way or kind.
The neediness for this constant fallback on act-react, give-take, cost-profit, economic balance of usefulness.. is called pragmatism. The thought that everything has to be useful in some sense, or else it might not even exist..!
Luckily for love, it is and can not be bound by any laws or structures, perfectly flawed as it is. Therefore this pragmatism does not apply. Love does not serve any external goal, it doesn’t have to be useful, it does not need any reason or ground to exist. Its only goal, usefulness, reason or ground is itself, intrinsically.
But love does not always draw the lines in the social grid of human intersections. So what is it really, that makes us connect to certain people, rather than to various fit others?
Are these people experiences we have to evolve through, life lessons haunting to be learned, post-traumatic stress therapy maybe?
Whatever it is, I’m pretty sure it’s more than just DNA & genes trying to survive and multiply themselves, regardless of and through us..
Pragmatism itself is pragmatic, and not in a pleonastic sense. It can be useful, but is not necessarily the only or right way to see or do things.
My thought of the day:
The most useful (pragmatic) thing isn’t always the best or most righteous. Because the best & most righteous things in life are not useful at all. They just fill the soul with a glow.
Therefore, it’s probably right to say, there is no reason to why.. ever! Any question that starts with WHY, can be answered by the recollection that there is no answer at all..
Today was a good day.
The odds were off, everything was working against what we know best. Every fear was found unfounded, the air was filled with the most precious unpredictability.
I saw somebody walking on the street, with the exact same t-shirt, as the one you used to wear, and was my favorite.
I spend all day with a gorgeous sweet guy, who wore the exact same shoes you bought as a gift for your own birthday last month.
Seemingly irrelevant notions, but to me it raised caution..
What do these signs tell me ?
This I know..
That I can safely let you go
That it’s okay for me to move on
That my dreams are now in reach
That I only have to get up and grab them
With both hands
Pull myself up
With all my strength
Cut off the dead weight
Of your corpse drowning in my memories
My thought of the day:
Don’t try to erase your past.
Instead replace it with your future.
Beautiful Night
The world is so beautiful when it’s night
The darkness pulls me in and holds me tight
The nocturnal breeze is so clear and bright
It almost makes me feel alive
It allows me to grow fearlessly like
A blossom in the daylight
No pain or anger, dispair of fright
No rain, no failure, just air and pride
Finally, I dare to fight
For what I am so far
No longer waiting
But aiming, for that shooting star
Restrain from hating
There’s a lesson behind each scar
With every second I learn
With every breath I grow
I’m at a point of no return
Forward is the only way to go
Strength and faith
Is all I want and know
Chances to take
And choices to make
That’s all I see
The only thing on my mind
Is to be and stay free
And leave the hurt behind
To restrictions I’m blind
Only open to possibilities
Value all my abilities
And let no one come between myself and I
Train myself to fly
Beyond the sky
Out of sight for the unfit eye
No longer ashamed to cry
Because I aim high
And know these tears will dry
As long as I don’t give up to try
On Luck
Anything is possible, if you really want it and try hard enough.
“You can do anything you set your mind to”
Infamous motivational words. I think it’s really not that simple, though.
If you break it down and analyze it, you’ll find a kind of contradicting tone in between: “you can do anything, if…” – indeed IF!
The fact that the possibility of everything (or anything) is tied down and subject to any sort of conditions, does a little damage to the ‘everything’ (or ‘anything’) part.
Especially because the conditions we’re talking about here are not just hard work, ambition and persistence. But first and for most you’ll need a healthy dosis of talent, faith, presence of good circumstances, absence of the wrong ones and of course a whole lot of… luck. (related to how big your dreams are and how high the goal is you’re aiming at). And some of these things can be altered, manipulated or even trained. But luck…
Luck is something so shady and volatile. It’s just the same in essence and existence as is coincidence.
Both might or might not be real, both are completely unattainable and untouchable, elusive to any kind of external force.
Both are so rare, you almost don’t dare, to believe they’re really there..
And yet they form the main basis, the very foundation, for the conditions needed to do and have it all.
Almost impossible. Too good to be true. And still, even if there’s only just a 0.0001% probability, it’s still a real possibility.
Challenged, but real.
My thought of the day:
If you don’t try, you’ll never know..
If you want to break out of a vicious cycle, you have to be more dynamic then the cycle that’s moving around you.
FearLess
Hello Reader,
I will try to explain why the name of my blog is:
‘Truth Beyond Mystery‘
As known to us all:
Nothing really is what it seems.
With me, this also is the case. I’ve always been looking past my true essence, escaping myself, knowing the world around me wasn’t ready for it.
Truth is, I wasn’t ready to realize who I am.
I use the word ‘realize’ with emphasis, because it means two things in this context:
In the first sense, I think I was for too long afraid to truly see and know myself.. In the second, I was unable to find the right path to make myself, to become who I ought to be.
This realization-process so to speak, has only recently begun its development. Finding my way out of this hiding place, trying to get used to the sunlight and fresh air.
I’m trying to get through the maze of mystery I build around me to cover myself. I’m trying to bring out my true essence and let it flourish and shine.
Recognize my being as whole and not fear any part of it.
This really is about becoming fearless in every aspect of life.
My thought of the day:
See things how they are and how they ought to be. Be fearless and passionate.
Poem of Inspiration
Today I would like to share with you a poem I wrote last night. It represents my current attitude, my mental state is elevated.
Inspired by someone I know, I’ve put it to words:
“You make me want to achieve something
You make me want to work & fight & strive
You make me believe in the power of wanting
You inspire me to make something of my life
And all just by looking at you
And all you’ve done and all you do
It doesn’t make me jealous
It doesn’t make me feel I am less
It just makes me want to be more
Try harder, have a goal to go for
Grow farther
Towards where no one has been before
And beyond
Do what I really want
And what I’m good at
Be smart, keep my mind set
Never regret, and never forget
Pride is something I always had
Now it’s time to put it to good use
If I don’t try to win
I will definetly lose
And that’s something
I simply refuse
So I’m going all in
To follow what I choose
Thanks for the inspiration
Heartfelt without hesitation
One day you’ll catch my appreciation
I promise this, without exaggeration”
I hope you liked it.. In my next post I’ll try to explain why and how I came to name my blog ‘Truth Beyond Mystery’ (:
My thought of the day:
Everything implies access to possibilities.
Possibilities imply access to everything.
I’ve decided to blog..
Hello to all that might be reading this,
I’ve finally made the decision to write a blog. I’ve been a writer for a while now (I write poetry and short stories), but I never really gone public with any of my work.
I’ll be using this blog to post some of my latest or greatest pieces, or maybe sometimes just to let my thoughts flow on whatever subject is relevant at the time. Like a window to my mind.
I don’t know who will read this blog, if anyone.. But I think it’s important to share not only knowledge and information, but also thoughts and views on the world we live in. Maybe someday, someone will be able to use or value it. That’s the main reason why I finally decided to blog.
My thought of the day:
Openness is important to let ideas and opportunities flow in, and let less worthy memories drain out.
That’s it for now, I’ll be back soon with a more substantial follow up blog ; )
Love, Gita
Truth Beyond Mystery 